TMWGD Chapter 9

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Chapter 9: I didn’t think that even President Xie would be so pathetic at times.

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Heeeyyy in the translator’s notes section I put some pretty interesting history stuff on what ‘white moonlight’ signifies – read it if you’ve got the time. In fact, skip straight to that section rn cause it’ll give you context and you’ll know it for future reference in this novel and other novels?

I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY COOL so yeah check it out maybe please? At least the first line so you know what it means lol.

Originally posted on tumblr – indulgenttranslationsblog.tumblr.com please read on here lol.

Also idk with this chapter anymore there’s so much casual language here idk how to translate it lol did my best but ehhhhhh

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Xu Li also had a partner by his side, a very pretty woman. She looked at Xie Jianwei, and smiled: “Pleasure to meet you, I’m Xu Li’s elder sister.”

Xu Li hurriedly introduced Xie Jianwei to his elder sister.

Xie Jianwei had not the slightest interest in his family matters – it was just that, since the two had coincidentally met, especially since they had met in front of Lu Li, he had to seriously think over how he would deal with him.

He expressionlessly glanced at Lu Li from the corner of his eyes, and as a result, was coincidentally caught – the two’s gazes met, and Lu Li’s expression was ridiculing.

Xie Jianwei immediately understood in his heart.

It seemed that Lu Li already knew of Xu Li’s existence.

Since he already knew, then he could only cooperate and act.

But the question of how was also another branch of study.

According to the data, Xu Li was the white moonlight [1] of Xie Jianwei’s heart – but he had been hurt, so later meetings between them should be that of intertwined love and hatred.

And thus the attitude he gave to Xu Li couldn’t be nice, but they couldn’t be too tragic either; this manner of his must carry hatred as well as a love that he couldn’t put down.

Thinking over it carefully, Xie Jianwei discovered that the difficulty level of it really wasn’t low, putting his comprehension abillites to the test considerably. 

Xu Li single-mindedly wanted to ingratiate himself with Xie Jianwei; now that he had encountered him, naturally, he wasn’t willing to let go of such a good opportunity: “Jianwei, can I sit by your side?”

Xie Jianwei immediately replied: “You can’t!”

This reaction, in terms of his personality, was considerably intense – so Jiang Mingming, who was familiar with him, was obviously stunned, and watched them with slight surprise.

Lu Li tore his gaze away, but his eyes were dark and heavy, not even a little light would shine through.

Xu Li’s expression was a little awkward, he felt a little wronged as he spoke quietly: “I…what should I do, so that you can forgive me?”

Xie Jianwei wanted only to euthanise him, but in view of the number one rule of curing illnesses [2], he enduringly said: “Xu Li, there’s nothing to say between you and me, and nothing to forgive or to not. The past has already gone by, let’s…”

“You obviously still like me!” Xu Li impulsively said.

At his words, Jiang Mingming and Chen Qing were clearly dumbfounded, while the joints on Lu Li’s hand that had been holding the cutlery suddenly swelled [3].

Xu Li’s older sister held back her younger brother immediately, and mediated: “Little Li was too impulsive; if he offended president Xie, please be magnanimous enough to forgive him.”

Xie Jianwei didn’t even look at Xu Li, except his body, standing upright, was unnaturally stiff.

Xu Li wanted to say something more, but his sister dragged him away: “Enough, don’t disturb president Xie’s meeting with his friends.”

Xu Li felt unresigned, but he was apparently a little afraid of his family’s sister, and so didn’t say anything more, only using his eyes to pitifully look at Xie Jianwei.

Xie Jianwei sat on his seat with a cold expression; even though he didn’t say anything, he didn’t take up his cutlery again either.

Seeing him in that state, Jiang Mingming also tactfully didn’t speak any more; the meal’s four partakers, were each thinking their own thoughts.

Xie Jianwei spent his time with ‘uneasy’ as a fitting description; with regards to something like acting, acting for just a little while was okay, but acting for a long time was practically torture. 

Especially since he was extremely lacking in empathy for the situation; a character setting of Xu Li’s type, that of an unreasonable, thankless ingrate, wouldn’t survive past 3 days with him – not to mention falling in love with him.

Even though he also took care of Lu Li for a pretty long time, Lu Li and Xu Li couldn’t be more different.

Lu Li’s personality, after acknowledging him, was like a wolf that had found its mate, loyal and stubborn; he didn’t need to suspect that he would betray him at all.

Lu Li also wouldn’t use him either – this guy’s biggest desire was probably that Xie Jianwei could depend on him, and so not to even mention using Xie Jianwei, even if Xie Jianwei helped him too much, he would probably feel uncomfortable throughout.

It was already so, that people become ‘Xi Shi’ in their lover’s eyes; and especially because his lover was an actual ‘Xi Shi’, after comparing the two, Xie Jianwei couldn’t be more against Xu Li.

(T/N: Xi Shi is one of the four great beauties in Chinese history, he’s saying that people are perfect in their lover’s eyes, and since Lu Li was actually perfect anyways, Xu Li sucks in comparison, etc.

And yet Xu Li just had to stare at him the whole time, constantly wanting to leap over and confess. 

After Xie Jianwei maintained the ‘it’s complicated’ expression for a little while, he really couldn’t keep it up anymore, simply getting up, and saying: “You guys take your time, I’m going to the bathroom.”

With him leaving like this, Lu Li’s forehead became a field of darkness.

He wouldn’t think that it was because Xie Jianwei couldn’t be bothered acting, of course – he only assumed that Xie Jianwei was fleeing in defeat.

Xie Jianwei went to the bathroom, twisted the tap open and washed his face, calming down a lot.

He needed to properly think about how he would deal with the matter of Xu Li.

If Lu Li didn’t know of his existence, it wouldn’t have mattered much if he had unexpectedly disappeared – but now that Lu Li did know, and he had also acted out such a scene, then Xu Li couldn’t die.

He was already a ‘white moonlight’; if he went and then died, this ‘white moonlight’ would shine upon his heart for the rest of his life – would there even still be the possibility of release?

But if not through death; then how should he deal with Xu Li?

Just what was it that Lu Li wanted?

Xie Jianwei caught a glimpse of Lu Li’s silhouette from the mirror.

He silently retrieved his gaze.

Lu Li leaned against the door with his arms crossed, and coldly delivered a line: “I didn’t think that even President Xie would be so pathetic at times.”

Xie Jianwei knew that the vinegar basin was going to be toppled over, but toppling it was fine too – his household’s vinegar basin was a  ‘Xi Shi’ brand vinegar basin anyways, so much better than the thankless ingrate outside.

He turned around and played along with him: “You think too much.”

Lu Li gave a cold laugh: “I really wouldn’t have thought that the Xie Jianwei of three years ago was the type to be infatuated with anyone.”

With him so clearly putting things out there, ‘President Xie’ naturally must fly into a rage from shame: “Who permitted you to investigate my private life?”

Lu Li watched him in his angered state, looking as if someone had stepped on his tail, only feeling that the icy river in his heart had flown in reverse, its seeping making one lose their reason: “Do I even need to investigate? You blindly fell for a thankless ingrate, and you still thought you could hide it from anyone?”

Xie Jianwei abruptly narrowed his eyes: “You already knew.”

Lu Li saw that he didn’t have the slightest intention of denying it, and felt that he himself was pathetic and laughable – his words also became more unpleasant: “Yes, I knew of it long ago, I knew it the first time I fucked you!”

Xie Jianwei, of course, didn’t believe that, but he had to pretend that he did; he lowly shouted: “You shut up!”

Lu Li closed in, forcing him back against the washbasin: “Just what did you take me for?”

Xie Jianwei raised his head to look at him, mercilessly saying: “You’re already very clear on that aren’t you?”

These words completely enraged Lu Li; he reached out and ensnared Xie Jianwei’s waist, angrily, sarcastically, laughing: “A partner in bed? A substitute?”

Xie Jianwei knew vaguely what the big bastard wanted to do, and simply decided to act until the very end: “Yes!”

“Very well.” Lu Li’s eyes were bloodshot, obviously about to go mad. “Xie Jianwei, you…”

His words hadn’t finished yet, when footsteps suddenly sounded from outside.

Lu Li’s eyes darkened, dragging Xie Jianwei and entering a bathroom stall.

Xu Li’s voice came from outside: “Jianwei?”

Apparently, he has seen Xie Jianwei leave his seat, and had wanted to find him to talk privately.

Xie Jianwei was pressed down against the wall of the stall by Lu Li, unable to even move. 

Lu Li heard Xu Li’s voice, his face acutely darkening even further. 

Xu Li was still there, saying his own thing: “I know you’re here, and I know that you don’t want to see me, but there are some things I truly want to tell you.”

Xie Jianwei couldn’t understand what he was saying at all – the bathroom wasn’t small, but Lu Li’s whole body was pressed against his, his breath billowing next to his ear; the two’s positions were as sensual as could be, and Xie Jianwei was already having a hard time was trying his best to make himself not have a reaction. 

Xu Li continued to say: “I’m very regretful that I left you that year, I was truly scared at that time, I didn’t actually like that women, I just felt that it was abnormal for a guy to be with a guy, and I felt that I should like women, so found her…but I actually didn’t love her – being with her, I would think about you for all day. Jianwei, it was only after leaving you that I realised, you treated me really well, there’s no one who could treat me better than you treated me…

“I know that through these years you’ve had many people by your side, but I also know that you were only playing around with them, that you wouldn’t treat everybody you meet well, that you’ve only treated me well, you took care of me for four years, I…”

Heading the “only playing around with them”, “you’ve only been well to me”, and the “took care of me for four years” in his words, Lu Li truly felt his head buzzing. Each of these words was like sharp thorns that had hooks on them, all of them piercing into his blood and flesh, leaving a field of blood each time they were pulled out.

Lu Li again lowered his head, watching the absent-minded expression on Xie Jianwei, thus confirming that Xu Li’s words were true; Xie Jianwei had fooled around for three years, and yet still had a person he couldn’t forget..

And now, this person had come back.

Perhaps right now Xie Jianwei wasn’t willing to accept him because of pride, but this was just a matter of time – in a few days, Xie Jianwei will inevitably forgive Xu Li.

What would he do then?

He wouldn’t even be a bed partner or a substitute.

He wouldn’t even have the chance to see him.

Lu Li knew that he had gone mad – to pour out so many emotions for such a man, he had actually gone insane long ago.

But it couldn’t be helped. It had been a mistake from the very start – mistakes were in each step taken, mistakes were everywhere, and as of now, there was already no way to take it back.

Xu Li was still chattering on about the “beautiful memories from that year” he shared with Xie Jianwei.

Except that Xie Jianwei was trying his best to suppress himself so that he wouldn’t go ahead and kiss his family’s psychotic husband.

And as a result, when Lu Li lowered his head, he saw Xie Jianwei’s expression of restraint, and his fuse was instantly ignited.

They held a deep love for each other, they □□ [4] – what was he in front of all that? What the fuck was he, exactly!

Lu Li ferociously kissed Xie Jianwei’s lips, raising his hands and lifting his clothes.

Appropriately, Xie Jianwei resisted a little: “You…you’re going to…”

Lu Li pressed against his ear, threatening him: “Do you want to let him see you like this?”

Xie Jianwei’s face revealed an alarmed expression – of course he didn’t want Xu Li to see, what was Xu Li worth?

But Xie Jianwei came to an understanding very quickly – how could Lu Li let someone else see him like this, with his clothes all messed up? He was just saying things.

Except, his instantaneous panic had already completely angered Lu Li.

He originally hadn’t intended to go through with it, but now he wanted to ferociously pay him back.

To make him be in a sorry state in front of his own lover; to make him hear each detail of his history with his lover and yet sink into depravity underneath the body of another…

These sickening actions and the like were incapable of fulfilling his empty heart, but instead gave birth to a sort of indescribable delight. 

If he couldn’t have him, he would destroy him

Xie Jianwei was still pretending to resist in the beginning, but afterwards obeyed super happily.

Back in reality, Xie Jianwei couldn’t put down his pride, and always strictly rejected Lu Li’s “preposterous requests”; but now that it was in a dream, he didn’t have so many misgivings anymore – anyways, as long as Lu Li didn’t want it to happen, then absolutely no one would discover what they were doing.

After all, this was a dream.

It was unknown when Xu Li had left from outside; but Xie Jianwei didn’t have the capacity to care anyways, his eyes and heart were filled with Lu Li.

In the height of his emotions, his entire person was draped over Lu Li’s body; he truly couldn’t resist it, and lowly spoke: “…I love you.”

• • •

The author has something to say: Eheheh~~~~

Lu ‘big’ Li finally ate up a wave of benefits.

The rest is the author saying thanks and giving bombs or smthing to people??)

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[1] White moonlight – 白月光 – slang for a person whom you love but cannot have.

Really interesting history timmmeee: comes from a poem:

静夜思 (Quiet night thoughts) by 李白 (Li Bai):

床前明月光 (Bright moonlight before the bed)

疑是地上霜 (I suppose it is frost on the ground)

举头望明月 (I raise my head to view the bright moon)

低头思故乡 (then lower it, thinking of my home village)

A very famous poem, about missing home. I think. Translation of poem comes from https://eastasiastudent.net/china/classical/li-bai-night-thoughts/ cause I can’t poetry…But note that there is no mention of ‘I’ in the poem. The first person is assumed.

ANYWAYS. First use of ‘white moonlight’ in the context of love comes from a novel by 张爱玲 (Zhang Ai Ling), in which she writes:

‘Perhaps all men have had two such women, at least two. Having married the Red Rose, over time, the red will have turned into a splatter of mosquito blood on the wall, while the white one is still ‘the bright moonlight before the bed’; having married the White Rose, the white becomes a grain of rice stuck to his shirt, while the red one is the cinnabar mole grown on the mouth of his heart.’

Ouch. Dayumn gurl who hurt you. General gist for people who can’t metaphor like I can’t poetry :p :

Perhaps all men have two such women, at least two. The Red Rose and the White Rose. If he marries the Red Rose, then over time, he’ll grow tired of her, and the brightness of the Red that once attracted him will have become as disdained and dull as a dried mosquito blood stain left on the wall from when you killed it, whilst the memory of the White Rose will be untainted, and the white colour will still be as beautiful as the bright moonlight before the bed. If he marries the White Rose, then over time, he’ll grow tired of her too, and the white colour will have become like a leftover grain of rice stuck to his shirt (ew), whilst the memory of the Red Rose will stay in his heart forever as beautiful as a cinnabar mole.

Or something.

Cinnabar moles are bright red moles on the body that apparently can’t be removed??? I think it has something to do with beauty or virginity. Anyways I found that really interesting. Info got from http://www.fanjian.net/jbk/baiyueguang.html

[2] Staying in character lol he means staying in character in order to treat Lu Li’s illness

[3] Tensed: raws actually day ‘the joints rose’ or something but that doesn’t make much sense in English

[4] Censored in original text.

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4 thoughts on “TMWGD Chapter 9

  1. That was an interesting TL note about the ‘white moonlight’ phrase. Thank you for taking the time to explain. And for the translation as well of course!

    Liked by 1 person

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